10 Most Excellent Novels about Covert Operatives

In honor of having just finished The Cleaner, I decided to have a little fun and compile a list of the ten best espionage/covert operative/military novels out there. The only rules are 1). Each author only gets one slot, 2). The book must stand alone, 3). The book must rock to an almost unholy degree.

I feel like I'm forgetting a lot of books, many of which would require a lot of soul-searching about their inclusion or exclusion from this list, but for now, these are the ten I have selected.

1). Live and Let Die by Ian Fleming. The greatest spy novel ever written (and one of my ten favorite Books, period). Ian Fleming was the king of the espionage genre, despite the fact that his books are more fantasy than reality. But who cares, they are entertaining as hell. In this one, Bond investigates a financing organization that’s digging up pirate gold in the Caribbean. Both Harlem and Jamaica get hit up, and while there’s a hefty dose of racism, we also get some of the coolest action scenes in the whole series, including the climactic scene where the villain goes fishing for sharks…using Bond as bait.

2). Rain Fall by Barry Eisler. This guy is the new king of espionage and my favorite thriller writer working right now. His first five books featuring Japanese/American assassin John Rain have great characters, great action scenes, exotic locales, and authentic modern tradecraft. His first two books are more crime novels though, so be ready for that. My personal favorite is Hard Rain, but they’re all incredible. This debut follows Rain as he uncovers a huge political conspiracy behind his latest hit involving both the Japanese government and the CIA.

3). The Fraternity of the Stone by David Morrell. Morrell was the first guy to give us textbook tradecraft in his thrillers, and this book was no exception. If you want to know about hand to hand fighting in the dark, or surveillance, this is the read for you. Of course, it’s also his most nailbiting read out there, a story concerning a monk whose past as a CIA assassin comes back to haunt him when assassins storm his monastery. He follows them from America to Europe and uncovers the truth about a secret order within the church that dates from the Crusades (and yes, this book predates Dan Brown by a long, long time).

4). The Spy who came in from the Cold by John LeCarre. Honestly, I don’t really like LeCarre. All his books are dreadfully slow and “realistic” affairs about tubby, balding men sitting around tables and talking about how so and so misplaced a file once which means that the Reds compromised them back in ’83. Usually the climax involves someone drinking some tea and commenting that someone’s wife is having an affair, at which point someone says something like, “Isn’t that a pity?” And then someone gets shot or arrested. Yes, it’s a broad generalization, but I’m not a fan. This book is pretty cool, though. I’ll give you that. It concerns a British spy’s attempt to protect an asset hidden in deep cover on the other side of the Berlin Wall.

5). The Hard Way by Lee Child. Lee Child is more of a detective writer, but former military police officer Jack Reacher is so cool he has to be on the list. This book is one of my favorites, as Reacher’s attempts to track down a mercenary’s missing wife and daughter turns up a sordid tale of betrayal and violence in the lawless wilds of Africa. Great villains and lots of plot twists, all told in Child’s clipped, matter-of-fact style.

6). The Tango Briefing by Adam Hall. Adam Hall is another of my favorite thriller writers. His super spy Quiller is always angry, misogynistic, vaguely neurotic, and obsessed with details. He narrates his stories in a flat monotone, frequently letting the reader know key facts long after he himself knows them, and occasionally ending chapters on cliffhangers and then skipping several days into the future, only returning to the cliffhanger pages later. The Tango Briefing is one of his more action packed books, involving Quiller’s attempt to find a downed plane in the Sahara desert and protect or destroy the cargo. There are, of course, plenty of complications along the way and Quiller kills a lot of people in creative ways. He’s kind of like a twitchy, British Jack Bauer.

7). A Game for Heroes by Jack Higgins. I like only a handful of Higgins’ books, primarily the early ones. I’d have to say out of all his stuff, my favorite is probably The Khufra Run, but that’s not so much an espionage or military tale. A Game for Heroes is, and it involves a legendary war hero’s attempt to infiltrate a German-held British island in World War II. Violent and suspenseful, it’s a quick, entertaining read. Plus it gets points for the main character’s repeated use of his knife as his primary weapon.

8). Without Remorse by Tom Clancy. I don’t like Clancy as much as I used to, and while Red Rabbit or The Cardinal of the Kremlin are far more espionage-based than this one, Without Remorse is the single most awesome book this guy ever wrote. John Clark has always been the maverick trigger-puller who stood ready to do America’s dirty work while Jack Ryan duked it out with the politicians. This book tells us how Navy SEAL John Kelly changed his name and became America’s top operative in the Clancyverse. Part a story of a personal, incredibly violent vendetta against American organized crime, and part a story about a rescue mission in Vietnam, it’s a long book but it absolutely flies by, and a lot of people have a hard time believing that the same Clancy wrote this who wrote The Sum of all Fears.

9). The Day of the Jackal – Frederick Forsythe. It’s kind of slow moving, but this book about an assassination attempt on Charles de Gaulle is a remarkably slick, well-written narrative. It’s probably the most political, procedural book here, but it’s pretty good. Even though you already know the ending. The main character is the Jackal, an emotionless, intelligent, highly skilled assassin, as he plans his hit, smuggles in his weapon, prepares his ammunition, and move to his objective, all as a hapless French policeman tries to find and stop him.

10). Vertical Run by Joseph Garber. This one’s an adrenaline rush from start to finish. A businessman goes to work one day and his boss tries to kill him. Then a team of mercenaries and cops locks down his building and starts hunting him down. Unfortunately, this guy used to be a Special Forces soldier in Vietnam, and he engages in a private war with them all up and down the skyscraper where he works. Tense, fast-paced, and despite a weak payoff, the pages absolutely fly by.

The Cleaner by Brett Battles

Good covert operative novels are hard to come by these days. They're either too packed with politics, or they authors just don't understand tradecraft. Writing a good espionage thriller is a delicate balancing act between character and plot, action and realism. As far as I'm concerned, until recently, Barry Eisler is the only spy novel author working today who gets the mix right. Well now, having read The Cleaner, I feel like I can add Brett Battles to the mix.

Jonathan Quinn is a special kind of covert operative. He is a "Cleaner." He doesn't kill people, and he prefers not to engage in any violence. His job is to trail behind the violence, behind the covert operations, and make sure that all the evidence simply disappears. When the novel opens, Quinn has been called in to investigate a case of arson in Colorado, a case where one man has died, in order to determine whether it was an accident. As it turns out, it was not. Shortly thereafter, Quinn and his apprentice Nate are attacked in their own home by an armed assassin. On the run from Colorado to Vietnam to Germany, the Cleaner must determine exactly what is going on, in a case that concerns Serbian war criminals, biological experimentation, and of course, saving the world.

The Cleaner is surprisingly good for a first novel, especially given that its plot isn't entirely original. It survives on the strengths of its main characters. Jonathan Quinn is a compelling hero for two reasons. First, his profession is unique. Though he proves unsurprisingly adept at dishing out massive quantities of pain, he's primarily interested in surveillance and technology, in covering his own tracks and the tracks of other spies. This makes his entire M.O. different from what we're used to reading in these sorts of stories. Second, as a character, Quinn is refreshingly low-key. He's reclusive, and while he has a bit of a history he's not too angsty. In addition, despite being professional and suspicious, he's a straight up good guy, as opposed to being a jerk with a heart of gold as is the norm in a lot of these novels.

What goes a long way to broadening this character is the interesting spin Battles puts on the traditional supporting characters. Nate is Quinn's enthusiastic, relatively inexperienced protege who allows the character to show a bit of his softer side, while also proving an ally. Orlando, as Quinn's variation on the classic "girl that got away" is also refreshingly unique from most in the genre. She's smart and tough, but isn't caricatured as the sort of super-sultry, super-capable female spy that's so common. As a result, she's a much more believable character.

Now if character is Battles's strong point, he does have a few weak points, primarily in plot. While his set up is good, and his ultimate payoff is not exactly weak, it's not really stunning either. And the twist at the end was pretty predictable if you've read this kind of book before. With that said, the final couple of chapters manage to create a lot of tension despite the limited originality.

In addition, there are two other small things in the book that just didn't click for me. First, there's a subplot between Quinn and an old fling named Sophie that just rings extremely hollow to me. It's brief, but it's a little jarring. Second, the main villain, Borko, just doesn't seem villainous enough. He's nasty and violent, and likes to torture people before he kills them, but he doesn't seem a threat of as much magnitude as we're supposed to think.

But these are minor quibbles. The Cleaner is an entirely entertaining debut spy novel. I encourage you to check it out if you like the genre.

7/10

My Bloody Valentine (2009)

You know, I was really surprised by this film. I am moderately entertained by well-made slasher films, but it's a rare few that actually get two full-blown severed thumbs up from me, and this is one of them.

After a catastrophic mine collapse, miner Harry Warden kills all his fellow survivors to preserve his own air supply. Carried out of the wreckage in a coma, he awakes in the hospital and goes on a killing spree on Valentine's Day, cutting out hearts and painting grotesque pictures on the walls in blood. Finally, he is shot after one last killing spree, just as he is about to pickaxe the son of the mine's owner to death. It's curtains for Harry.

Fast forward ten years later and that son, Tom Hanniger (Supernatural's Jensen Ackles), returns to the town with the intent of closing and selling the mine. He finds that his high school sweetheart Sarah Palmer (Jamie King) has married the local sherrif (Kerr Smith) and has a kid, and that the majority of the population is very resistant to the idea of selling the mine. They've all moved on from that night, but somehow Tom just doesn't feel that it's over.

And he's right, it turns out. Somebody dressed in miner's gear is gruesomely killing people with a pickaxe again, matching Harry Warden's modus operandi to a T.

My Bloody Valentine falls a bit more into the category of gialli than slasher movie. This word came from a slang for a type of pulpy Italian crime novel, and was eventually applied to the 1970s horror flicks of Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento. What distinguishes a gialli from a slasher, is that in the latter, the villain is known and is usually quasi-supernatural in origin (a la Freddy Krueger or Jason). In a gialli, the plot is more of a mystery as the killer is unknown until the end of the film.

And that's one of My Bloody Valentine's strong points: it really keeps you guessing, all the way to the end. I honestly changed my mind about five times through the course of the movie as to who the culprit was, and in the end I was wrong yet again, although the film makers had cheated just a little bit, using a twist ending that was very, very reminiscent of the ending of another one of my favorite slasher movies, which I won't name here for fear of giving it away. And speaking of reminiscent, there's a nice little kill scene that's an homage to The Shining.

That's the second area this flick excels. It is gory as hell, and the stalk sequences are all very tense. Director Patrick Lussier has always shown himself to be very good at visuals in movies, and this is no change. From the excellent use of light and shadow, to the iconic look of the killer (seriously, mining gear is damn creepy), to the sudden jump moments, he had this thing locked down tight.

As far as acting goes, people seem to disagree. Some say the acting was horrible, but I thought everyone did an excellent job. Jensen Ackles was very good as the frightened man who's determined to overcome his fear and get to the bottom of the mystery. This role is definitely riding a bit on Supernatural though, and as with Jared Padalecki's role earlier this year in the Friday the 13th remake, I was continually subconsciously bemused by Ackles's unwillingness to engage the miner in single combat. Jamie King turns in a good, serious performance, gamely submitting to be the damsel in peril without ever seeming overly weak. Kerr Smith also does a good job, starting out as an unlikable, sleazy dirtbag, but rallying a bit by the end to be something of a hero.

All in all, My Bloody Valentine is a pretty fun horror flick. If you like horror films, even if you're generally picky, I recommend this one. It's one of the better slasher movies I've seen.

7/10

The Amber Room by Catherine Scott-Clark & Adrian Levy

I love stories about lost treasure. The tomb of King Tut, the lost ships of Marco Polo, the kingdom of Prester John, I-52....I love all those stories. And the Amber Room has always been one of my favorites. Who doesn't love to blame the Nazis for stuff? Couple their famous theft of priceless works of art and valuables with a truly wondrous piece of craftsmanship and you have a great story.

Fishermen along the Baltic Sea had long dredged up chunks of amber using vast nets, since medieval times. Finally, as a gesture of political goodwill, the King of Prussia sent Tsar Peter I a vast quantity of the substance, with the plan to mold it into an ornate room entirely constructed from amber. After being attached to several craftsmen, the room was finally completed after eight years.

Then, on June 22, 1941 the Germans invaded Russia and the order came down: evacuate the treasures. Unfortunately, the amber was too brittle to be moved, so a fateful decision was made. Anatoly Kuchumov, a young curator charged with transporting the treasures decided to conceal the amber room behind wallpaper and hope that the Germans wouldn't look to closely. Unfortunately, a few days later a German soldier reported that, 'two privates in curiosity toiled in tearing protective...covers off. They revealed wonderfully shining amber carvings, the frames of a mosaic picture."

The amber room was loaded onto vast crates and hurried to Konigsberg Castle. At the end of the war, that castle was a smoldering wreckage, and the Russians nervously entered the remains, searching for their national treasure. But it was nowhere to be found, and its whereabouts have remained a mystery to this day.

The Amber Room is an attempt by investigative journalists Scott-Clark and Levy, who wrote the excellent history of Jade called The Stone of Heaven, to determine the fate of the titular treasure. They intercut their own investigations with narrative of the origins and early days of the Amber Room, beginning with the stories of the amber fishermen along the Baltic. Along the way they encounter all sorts of intrigue as the story takes a sharp turn into the world of murky espionage, political backstabbing, and an attempt to save face on a national scale.

Because the eventual decision these two reach is that the Amber Room was destroyed in the bombing of Konigsberg, and that this was never revealed so that no one would take responsibility for it. Nobody wanted to be the one who let one of Russia's greatest treasures be obliterated, least of all the man who decided to leave it behind instead of transporting it away. And as long as the truth was never revealed, hope would always remain that somehow the Amber Room had survived.

Of course, whether or not you believe this hypothesis is up to you, but it's an interesting inquiry for sure. Scott-Clark and Levy investigate letters and journals belonging to Germans responsible for overseeing the treasures, Kuchumov, and even to a thriller writer, George Stein, who was writing a manuscript on the Amber Room and met a sinister, grisly death in a ruined castle in Altdorf, Germany in 1987.

It's a very interesting read, although there is a lot of conjecture, and a lot of paper chasing involved, which can slow down the narrative or make it lose some of its weight. In a few places I got very confused about how the current subject of investigation related at all to the Amber Room, and some of their connections and threads seem a little loose. But for treasure buffs and history nuts, it's a decent account of one of the better lost treasure stories out there.

6/10

The Last Oracle by James Rollins

James Rollins is sort of a funny case. I remember the days when he was turning out straight-to-paperback novels, all of which had excellent concepts behind them, but all of which had serious flaws in my opinion (though not according to his fans, apparently). And then, around about the time he began his Sigma series, all that changed. He is now, for my money, probably the second best thriller writer working today (nobody can beat Barry Eisler right now, if you ask me).

The Last Oracle is the fourth Sigma novel, and it features probably the most compelling central macguffin of the series: seeing the future. A professor dies in Commander Pierce's arms in Washington, D.C. The only things he has on him are a Greek coin, and fatal radiation poisoning. In Russia, a new plan is underway to rebury the Chernobyl wreckage to permanently hide the radioactive waste. And...somewhere...Monk Kokkalis, who was not killed by a school of luminescent man-eating squid at the climax of The Judas Strain, wakes up in an underground city, with a group of unusually precocious children, and pursued by virtually the entire predatory mammal population of Northern Asia. It's all tied in with the Oracle of Delphi, the origins of the Romani in Northern India, and the sinister experiments of Dr. Josef Mengele.

So let's start with the good. This is probably the most compelling idea Rollins has come up with yet, and he has a plethora of intriguing facts that make you wonder. The truth is that the human brain can do some amazing things, and nobody's quite sure why. And the question's not really answered here, but it's used in some interesting ways.

The characters in Rollins's Sigma books have also become steadily more interesting over time, although Commander Pierce has far less to do this time around than in the previous books and the primary focus this time around is on Kokkalis and the children accompanying him. They also probably have the most interesting adventures this time around, although the second to last scene, as the team races to prevent a disaster at Chernobyl is pretty good, too.

As far as negatives, there are two. For starters, a lot of the action scenes in this book feel a little repetitive, and there was one strand of the Mengele plot line that I thought was going someplace pretty interesting, that apparently wasn't even really a plot line. Ultimately, it probably had the best idea of the series, and one of the strongest openings, but it dragged a bit in the middle and couldn't quite top some of the earlier books in the series.

So if you've read the other books, pick it up, because it's still a pretty good read. If you haven't read any of the others yet, and they seem like something you might like, start with Map of Bones. They're some of the best science/history based thrillers on the market right now.

7/10

Up

I was nine years old when Toy Story came out. I was extremely skeptical of the premise, but I consented to go along with some trepidation, and much to my surprise, I loved the movie. In fact, I will even admit to using the "Falling with style" line during my Airborne school last November, to the chagrin of a few of the more professional NCOs along for the ride. Anyway, since then, along with the rest of the world, I have felt that any new Pixar film is probably a safe bet at the theater. If pressed, I'd probably pick their first three films as my favorites, although I also have a lot of fondness for The Incredibles. A lot of that hinges on nostalgia though, and I would have to say that Up is probably their best film to date, and definitely their most thoughtful and introspective.

Carl Frederickson was a shy kid who idolized famous explorer Charles Muntz (a sort of cross between Charles Lindbergh and Percy Fawcett), dreaming of accompanying him in his giant zeppelin as he explored South America. One evening, Carl encounters loud and bossy fellow Muntz-fan Ellie. After a mishap leaves Carl in his bed with a broken arm, Ellie climbs through his window and shows him her "Adventure Book." The first pages are full of newspaper clippings about Muntz, and then, suddenly there's a big page with "Stuff I'm going to do" scrawled across it. The pages following are all blank.

Eventually, Carl and Ellie grow up and get married. Medical complications leave them childless and life gets in the way of their proposed journey to the semi-mythical Paradise Falls in South America. Finally, after many years, Ellie dies and leaves Carl a grumpy old man who likes to sit on his porch and argue with the construction workers who want to evict him from his house. One day, an unfortunate event gives the construction supervisor just what he needs to get Carl forcibly evicted. Unfortunately, the elderly Mr. Frederickson used to work as a balloon salesman at the local zoo, and he rigs his house to a multicolored cloud of the things and takes off for parts unknown, unwittingly carrying away chubby Wilderness Explorer Russel on his front porch. With luck, he'll finally fill in those blank pages in his wife's scrapbook.

One of the great things about Pixar is that their films are so unabashedly optimistic and beautiful. Up continues that trend. The imagery is incredible, and some of the scenes of Paradise Falls or virtually any of the balloon-borne house are some of their best to date, no small praise given that last year's Wall-E was no slouch in the visual department. Their plot is also refreshingly old-fashioned, as Russel and Carl quickly find themselves at odds with a Kurtz-ified Charles Muntz and his army of talking dogs. It's refreshingly retro action and adventure.

With that being said, I commented earlier that Up was probably their most emotionally mature film to date, and I hold with that. Last year's Wall-E showed that Pixar was a studio comfortable with stretching themselves artistically, and Up shows that they've got the heart to keep up. While many critics have pointed out that Up is, at heart, a love story between Carl and his dead wife Ellie, there is a lot of subext in the film about hopes and dreams, and how they can be obsessions that destroy us. I was frankly a little amazed to see that in what is, to all intents and purposes, a children's movie, but I applaud the studio for inserting that stuff, and further, inserting it in a way that doesn't compromise the wide-eyed adventure narrative in any way, shape or form.

And of course, no discussion of Pixar would be complete without hitting on the characters. Carl is lovably grumpy, and while he seems just as, if not more, capable than many cinematic twenty-year-olds, the filmmakers never lose a chance to play up his age. A geriatric fight scene between Muntz and Frederickson had me laughing almost as hard as the little kids in the theater. Russel, the Wilderness Explorer is amusingly enthusiastic and over-dramatic, as kids frequently are, and he winds up providing the film's moral center, as it were, through his determination to do the right thing. And finally, Dug the talking dog is pretty much as wonderful a character as the trailers portray. I love dogs, and the writers on this film clearly do as well, because their ideas as to how dog thoughts would be spoken seem pretty darn likely to me. Plus, it helps the film's humor factor that all the dogs speak like poorly translated Japanese subtitles.

So in the end, there's really only one thing you can say about Up. It's a Pixar flick. That ought to be enough to get anyone in the theater.

8/10

Outlander

I have been waiting for this movie pretty much since it was announced, and I finally got my hands on the DVD. It's really too bad that this thing went limited release and then to DVD with virtually no hype, because it is really, really good. Well-plotted, deliberately paced, well-acted, amazing-looking...it's probably one of the best sci-fi/fantasy flicks I've seen in a long time.

Jim Caviezel plays Kainan, an interstellar traveler. In the opening sequence of the movie his ship crash lands in an enormous lake, and Kainan is the only survivor. He swims out of the wreckage, wearing only his armor, carrying only a futuristic holograph computer and some sort of high-powered blaster rifle. Booting up the computer, he sends out a distress call and then queries "Location?"

It turns out he's lucky. He crash-landed on an abandoned colony world for his people, a seed community that never really took off. You and me...we know this world as Earth, circa 700 AD.

Shortly thereafter, Kainan stumbles upon a destroyed village. A viking prince, Wulfric (Jack Huston) captures him and takes him back to the local chieftan Rothgar (John Hurt). Rothgar is distraught because the village belonged to an enemy king, Gunnar (Ron Perlman). Doubtless, Gunnar will think that he destroyed the village and come attack, killing everyone including Rothgar's daughter Freya (Sophia Myles). But if they didn't destroy the village, what did?

It turns out that Kainan was carrying a hitch-hiker, a hitch-hiker that is responsible for the death of Kainan's whole village, including his wife and daughter. That hitch-hiker happens to be a huge beast known as the Moorwen, an intelligent creature that looks like a cross between the monster from Bong Joon-ho's The Host and a deep sea angler fish. Now it's up to the Vikings and their spaceman to defeat this thing before it can destroy their world.

So, it's an unsual premise right? It's clearly modeled on Beowulf, although it's not a clever scene for scene revision like that other Viking flick, The 13th Warrior (although, to be honest, The 13th Warrior was a blast...but it's not really on Outlander's level). The sets and costumes are fantastic, and the creature design is pretty solid. But all that is superficial, what makes this movie really good? Three things: pacing, acting, and execution.

I was surprised at how slowly this film moved. It never felt boring, and while it maybe could have been tightened up a tad, on the whole that deliberate approach pays huge dividends. Suspense builds, character relationships grow, and you become more and more immersed in the world. Director Howard McCain is not going to rush this movie, and it was a wise decision.

As far as acting, everyone is playing their A-game. Caviezel turns in a serious, understated performance. He's compassionate, but you never doubt his ability to kick extra-terrestrial ass, and the man who once played Jesus also turns in a convincingly physical performance (although we know he can sword fight thanks to The Count of Monte Cristo). Jack Huston also does a good job as Wulfric. Originally you think he's going to be the film's resident jerk, but he quickly becomes a sympathic and likable character, sort of Kainan's opposite number on this world. Sophia Myles also surprises, taking the completely cliched role of warrior chick in the middle of a kind-of-sort-of love triangle, and managing to make it convincing. And of course, Hellboy alums Perlman and Hurt are quite good, although the former really has nothing to do, and I think he may have just had his role to get some name billing on the movie.

And finally, execution. This movie works. The quiet scenes are perfectly staged and shot, the suspenseful moments work, and the action scenes are all extremely well planned. One early stalk sequence set up in a maze of skins that are being tanned is an absolutely brilliant piece of work, and the finale, set in a water-filled cave is likewise excellent, although again a tad reminiscent of The 13th Warrior. All in all, an excellent movie. If you like Beowulf or Vikings or sci-fi or fantasty or good production values or action movies or...well...anything...you should watch this movie.

8/10

Drag me to Hell

So now I've got a bit of backlog, so if you care, I'll be posting a fair number of updates over the next few days. Also, if you have any interest in my personal life, pop over to my other blog tomorrow for a post on blowing stuff up (professionally, not in a terrorist way). 'Cause that stuff is pretty cool, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, here we have Sam Raimi's return to horror flicks after he spent all those years making a trilogy about that one angsty teen who could crawl on walls. It occurred to me after watching this, that I've seen pretty much everything Raimi's ever done, and this is pretty much in line with the other stuff: zany visual style, relatable everyman characters, and plenty of gross-outs. In the end, Drag me to Hell isn't really a horror film like the Evil Dead stuff, or even a goofy dark comedy like Army of Darkness. It's really the cinematic version of a creepy campfire story, right down to the macabre twist ending, and the urban-legend quality of the thrills.

Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is a loan officer competing for an assistant manager position with the smarmy Stu (Reggie Lee). Finally, her boss Mr. Jacks (David Paymer) tells her that to secure her position, she needs to prove that she can make hard decisions. So when an elderly gipsy woman comes in a few minutes later and asks for a loan, Christine denies her. That evening, in the film's first over-the-top gross-out gag fest, the gipsy attacks Christine in her car, an attack that culminates in an old-fashioned gipsy curse.

Shortly thereafter, Christine finds herself haunted by creepy shadows and attacked by some unseen force. It turns out that the curse summoned a demon named Lamia, who has come to collect her soul and take it...drumroll...to hell.

Drag me to Hell is an odd little film, and you kind of have to watch it in the right frame of mind to like it. It's not very cerebral, which is not at all the same thing as calling it stupid. It has a lot of sudden "jump" scares, probably more than I've seen in any film for a while. And despite being PG-13, it is very, very gooey. There's plenty of vomit, maggots, bile and goop to go around. As I said above, this is a movie you're supposed to watch in breathless anticipation of the next goofy moment or crazy attack. It's a movie with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

But don't get me wrong. Though of dubious scariness, it's a horror movie too, especially as Christine starts trying to figure out how to escape her doom. Some of the things she does are a little questionable, although she never really become unlikable.

And a lot of that comes down to Alison Lohman. I've liked her a lot since I first saw her as Nicholas Cage's daughter in Matchstick Men, and she continues to do a good job here, and is surprisingly adept at playing a modern day scream queen. Justin Long turns in a decent performance as he boyfriend, although a lot of his roles tend to be the same, and Dileep Rao is quite entertaining as the commercial fortune teller who plays occult expert for Christine. And of course, you have to mention Lorna Raver as the most freaking terrifying old lady ever. All in all, the cast is solid all around, but that's one of those things that Raimi's always been pretty good with.

As far as the actual horror element, the premise is way, way darker than the actual movie. Despite the prospect of the protagonist being dragged to hell, the story stays in strictly old-school serial horror. No Exorcist style spiritual terror here. The demon Lamia is never seen physically, although his few proxy appearances are startling, or in one case, horrifying and hysterical at the same time (you'll know what I mean if you see it). Although, on a side note, the actual Lamia of folklore isn't anything like the Lamia in this movie, instead being a classic, baby-eating witch. Just so's you know.

In closing, Drag me to Hell is zany, and it's a good time while it lasts, but it doesn't really feel like it has much punch. It's campout story quality kind of prevents any real empathy with the main characters, despite the capable acting, and it's not really a very scary movie, despite being creepy and having some good gross-outs. If you love all horror movies, it's a pretty good bet. If, on the other hand, like me, you love a handfull of horror movies, and can pretty much leave the rest, it may not do it for you.

5/10